A Few Rantings

When people ask about me, mostly (I hope) they say that I am a people person, work well with others, and enjoy being around people. I'm nice, personable, blah, blah, blah. Well, that is a well acted facade. People really annoy me. I try very hard to not let people annoy me, but as our society changes, people have become selfish, inconsiderate, boobs! I try to be considerate, polite, etc., but apparently, no one else is. Hence, today's rant. I'm thinking I will feel a little better about humanity in general if I get this off my chest.

My first area of contention is drivers. I am so tired of aggressive drivers!!! I don't know if it is because I am a very safe driver, or if I am just too polite, but if one more person tailgates me, I'm going to slam on my brakes!! And I'm serious! You are not going to get me to speed up so you can get where you are going faster by riding my heiney! You will just piss me off! And, if I haven't zipped through the light the second it turns green, don't honk!! I will not move faster! And, while I am ranting, GET OFF THE PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!!!!!!! I, for the most part, do not talk on my cell phone while I am driving. In fact, if you call me and I am in the car, one of my girls will answer and take a message. And, if I'm in the car alone, the conversation will be short. I can't tell you how many close calls I have had with another car because the driver was talking on the phone and not paying attention to what was going on around them. I think the only reason that I have not been in an accident is because I am a defensive driver, and am always watching the drivers around me.

While I am on the subject of cell phones (well, sort of), if you are at a store and go up to the cashier, get off the phone and complete your transaction. How would you feel if you were talking to someone, but they were on the phone and only paying a small amount of attention to you. This pet peeve of mine is just simple politeness and etiquette. I can't say that I am always considerate in this area, but I try. And, I am more than willing to hang up and finish the conversation another time and give the cashier my undivided attention.

Okay, I think I'm done. If I have offended or upset anyone, I'm sorry. I have just kind of had it with the inconsideration of the general population. I think I am done griping and complaining about stuff. At least for now. Drive safely, hang up the phone, and wear your seat belts.

Over It!

So last week I was dealing with the angst over the investigation for the Federal job. I was all worried about being rejected, being told no, and being turned down for yet another job. No matter how many times I am told, "Don't worry, God is in control. He will provide," I am a natural worrier. I always have been. I worry about money, jobs, my kids, and on and on and on. And, as a human, I have a fear of rejection. I think that's the worst part of job hunting. The rejection. And I've heard it all. Not enough experience, too much experience. Over qualified, under qualified. And, in this economy, it's an employer's market. They can afford to be picky.

So, I have been worried about the federal job, getting any permanent job at all, ever. Plus, my hours at the temp job are being cut in half due to slow business. So now, I have a part time job. Just one. 25 hours a week. Half the hours =half the pay. A whole lot of stuff to worry about. Suddenly, over the weekend, I got over it! God knows where he wants me to work, and He will eventually reveal it to me. That's another issue I have. I am not patient! I understand that God has a plan for me and knows where I will be going and what I will be doing, but, Dang it, why can't He at least give me a hint? I'm really not sure what happened, but it just clicked! I went from being all worried about stuff to shrugging my shoulders and saying, "It's all good. We'll be fine." I don't get it, but I am real happy that I feel better about my situation.

And my situation is: I have a temp job that will go on until April 15. I have a wonderful temp agency who keeps me employed until I can find a permanent job. I got my tax refund 3 weeks ago and am saving 50% of it as a cushion. I have a great family and church family who support me. I have some great friends at church who help me shut down the pity parties, but understand that I need a little venting time to get over my situation. My daughters are very understanding about our financial situation right now. How can I not feel blessed and content?

I will wait out the federal job. If the investigation goes through and I get the job, great! If not, oh well. There is really nothing to worry about. Que sera, sera (Sorry a little Doris Day moment). I will eventually get a permanent job, and until then, I will work steadily at the temp agency. I will save my money to send Tori on Choir Tour in March, and DCLA in June. I will save up money to send Kat to camp in July. Maybe we can even try to get out of town for a few days later in the summer. Who knows? I might even take a week off after this assignment, and take a much needed break. Remember, no vacations for temps.

You Never Know....

I have had an interesting experience for the past week or so. As I mentioned in my last post, I have had to remember my entire life since the age of 18 and tell the Federal Government all about it. Yesterday, I went in and answered more questions about my past. Now they know more dirt about me than my mother does (don't tell Mom that). I also learned a valuable lesson. Your past WILL come back to haunt you. Mine certainly has.

I can honestly say that I did some stupid things and made some very stupid decisions. And I had to tell this person, who I had never met before, about these stupid things. The worst part is, some of the stupidity may cost me the opportunity I have been given for a job. I can honestly say that right now, I am ready to back out of this whole process to save myself further embarrassment. Should I? I really don't know. But, I am an emotional basket case over it.

Some of the stupidity I can overturn. I made a few (understatement) bad financial decisions over the years. Those black marks I can wipe clean with a little tighter budgeting and time to get it done. Some of the other things are done, over with, and cannot be undone. I won't go into them, let's just say, they are not good things. Nothing illegal, no arrests, nothing like that. But, at the time my thought was, "what could it hurt?" Well, it hurt. And even though I don't know if these things will hurt my chance at this job, it really hurt me to have to admit them. And I felt ashamed to have actually done them. I now wish that I had thought things through and made better decisions.

This has not been all bad. I can now tell my girls how this has affected me, and hopefully they will not follow in my footsteps. Life lessons are always good, even if they hurt initially. And, I was able to look back on my life and say, "I did do some stupid things, but look where I am at now. I picked myself up, and no matter how hard the world tried to push me back, I pushed harder, and will continue until I achieve my life goals." And my goals are simple. To have a good job to take care of the girls. To have happy children (and not just because they get a new cell phone (they are really not materialistic)). To feel good about myself and to be a positive influence. Like I said 2 weeks ago, I just want to be a "good and faithful servant."

Thank God for Google!

So my week started out better than last week did. I have started entering my whole life since my 18th birthday for this FBI job. Wow! I don't know if you have ever had to enter job information from 15 years ago, but it is a chore. That is why I titled this blog "Thank God for Google!"

I know God didn't invent Google, but he created the genius(s) that came up with this "internet manna." You can Google just about anything. Last night Kat Googled Charles Darwin for a science report. Tonight we will Google a picture of him to attach to her report. You can find people, information, pictures, websites, blogs, porn (not that I have looked). I have had to Google former employers.

I thought this online information questionnaire would be easy. The paper version said go back 7 years for addresses and employers. Well, when I got the email with the information about the website to fill this paper out electronically, I was told to go back to my 18th birthday. How many of you remember the address and name of your supervisor from the part time job you worked in college, 20 years ago? Yeah, me either. But, between Google and YellowPages.com, I have found the address for just about every employer I have had since high school graduation. Now, as for the supervisors, that is just a lost cause. Luckily, I have space to explain myself. An hopefully the Federal Government will understand that businesses close, people change jobs, and memories fade. At least I have found the majority of these employers, and have a good explanation as to why I don't have addresses for some of them.

As hard as this process has been for me, I could only imagine if I would have tried to do this 10 years ago. The internet was huge back then, but you still couldn't find everything you needed online. I would never have been able to fullfill the requirements that were set for me on this questionnaire.

So that's where I am at right now. I just had to take a break from the long process, so I thought I would document what I am doing. My break time is over. I have to have this done before Saturday.