What to do with the time left?

I lost a good friend this week. My friend, ReNee, lost her battle with cancer on Monday. Although, I can't say I really lost her. I know exactly where she is. She has gone home to heaven, and I can only imagine the party that's been happening this week.

But, this is not a blog about faith, religion, or anything like that. Since ReNee was so young (37), I started thinking about the fact that we don't have any clue how much time we have left on this earth. What do I want to do with the time I have left, however long it is? Personally, I hope I can be around for quite a few years. My grandmother is 106 and not going anywhere soon. And, I'm not talking about creating a "Bucket List," although that was a very good movie. I am talking about doing something with my life so that when the time comes, I will hear "Well done, good and faithful servant."

I am not moving to South America to do mission work (at least not at this time. We'll see what God has for me down the road). I'm talking about little stuff that can turn into big stuff. Volunteering at the Salvation Army's soup kitchen, having lunch at the Senior Center just to talk to them, helping out a friend in need. I know I don't have a lot of money, but there are lots of things I can do to show God's love to people that cost me nothing but some time. I just need to get off my hiney and get going.

Therein lies my problem. I'm a homebody. When I get off work, I like nothing more than to go home, put on my jammies, and wind down so I can go to bed. I am very selfish about "my time." But is it really mine? Doesn't everything we have really belong to God? So I am wasting God's time! Ouch!

I know that I can't just jump out into the world and spend every waking moment helping someone else, but I can't sit on my blessed assurance (a favorite phrase of mine from my friend Bill) and wait for the needy to knock on my door. Right now I really don't know what to do, but I'm going to do something, and I'm taking my girls along for the ride. They already like helping people, so maybe if we make this fun family time, it will be easier for me to get started.

Please pray for me and the girls as I take this on. I want to thank ReNee for being a great friend, and for helping God kick me into action. Also pray for ReNee's husband, children, friends and family as we learn how to remember her. I'll keep posting on this new thing I am trying.

Something new

So I am finishing up my second week at Jackson Hewitt. We actually had some clients come at the end of the week. I am feeling more confident now. I think it's because people are finally noticing us. Out of the 4 clients who have come in, three are former Jackson Hewitt customers from other states. I am starting to think that we will actually have the opportunity to do some work.

On the other end, I am still in a state over the no child support thing. Trying to cut $400 per month from your budget when you are on shoestrings is no easy task. Right now I am trying to decide which utility to turn off. I know that is kind of silly, but it's either that or food right now. That is where my money is going right now. Bills, groceries, gas for the car. A little bit here and there for videos, etc., but that's only about $20 a month. I have cut out all eating out for me. Cup O' Noodles and sandwiches all the way. I am even taking steps to not have to pay $2 per day for coffee and iced tea. I figure whatever works and saves a couple of bucks a week. I am not taking a defeatist attitude on this, not even trying to make ends meet, just trying to get the ends a little closer together.

I did look into a part time job to supplement, but with the hours I am working at the FT job, there is no time to work a second job. I could sell Tupperware or something, but that takes a bit of money up front, and, guess what? I don't have it. I think that once I get a permenant job, I will surely appreciate it more, and hold on tight to all money that I get ahold of. I'm already pretty frugal, have been my whole life. I just can't cut back any more.

Sometimes I wonder why God has put me in this situation again and again. I know He is not punishing me or anything. I just wish sometimes that I could have a job where I am not worried about money or bills, or paying off things. I know that someday I will be in that position, but right now, to be blunt, it sucks. I am just being faithful and waiting patiently (sort of) for God's timing. That is one of my character flaws. I am not patient when I am waiting on God's timing. I know, that He only makes me wait longer because of that, but that's me and how I roll.

In the mean time, I will keep a positive attitude, keep telling the girls "No," and try my hardest to not become Gloom and Doom girl. Client just walked in. Time to post.

An Interesting Week

So my job is going okay. Our signs were put up last Friday, and direct mail advertising goes out this week. Hopefully people will see us and come in. I am ready to do some taxes.

My week also had some roller-coaster sized ups and downs. In November I had interviewed for an IT job at the FBI. I hadn't heard from them since then, so I thought I hadn't been chosen for the position. On Tuesday, I received a phone call from Washington D.C. (I know!), asking me why I never responded to the conditional offer made to me on December 23. I didn't know that I had a conditional offer. That night I checked my Outlook mail, and it had been sent to my Junk Mail. So I emailed them back, begging for a chance to go through the background check. Now all I have to do is fill out about 10 pages of information about me dating back up to 20 years ago. Oh, man! Then the 3 month background check, they talk to everyone I've ever met, yada, yada, yada, and I might have a job later in the year.

That was the up end of the roller coaster. The down side came on Thursday. I got an email from my ex-husband telling me that he lost his job. So that means that my child support stops until he finds another one. Now I have to rebudget without that large chunk of money. And that chunk of money is one week's pay for me. That was the down side.

So tonight I get to go to Kat's 7th grade band concert. I am actually really excited for it. She loves playing the flute and is pretty good. She would be really good if she actually practiced.

New week, new job

So I am sitting in the office of my new job. It's my third day and we are still slow. We might pick up some customers when we actually get a sign. I am enjoying my new job. I finished my training today, so now I wait.


I don't have the angst I had last week. It's a pretty laid back operation. The owner will be here a couple days a week, and other than that, it's just me and the other guy. We will be working in shifts with some overlap time. I will have to work some Saturdays, and I hope the girls will understand and deal with it. Kat is worried that I will never come watch her bowl until after tax season. I assured her that that is not the case. I will be there every other Saturday.

I got an interesting email this morning, and from someone that I hardly expected to hear from. My ex-husband got laid off from his job last week. He was actually worried about the child support for the girls. Needless to say, I am also worried, but am willing to let it go for now. That actually amazes me. I guess that means that I have forgiven him for the wrongs he has done in the past, and for all the pain he caused me oh so many years ago. I have no ill feelings towards him anymore. I am actually more concerned about him getting another job so he can support his family in Colorado. It makes me more determined to find a permanent job though. I no longer can depend on that small amount of income regularly. I haven't told the girls yet. I will try to make sure that they understand that it was not his fault, and they shouldn't be mad at him. So I guess the crappy economy can hit us from all sides. Dang.

But, regardless of the financial tailspin the lack of child support might put me in temporarily, I still have no angst this week. Maybe it's because I know that God won't let me or the girls go hungry as long as I manage His money right. Everything will be okay. Wow, me miss pessimist just said everything will be okay. Maybe I am changing.

I will probably be posting a lot for the next few weeks. I am working 12-8 for the next 3 weeks, and if business is slow, I will blog. So I guess that's it for now. I am going to find something to keep me occupied.

Endings and Beginnings

Today is my last day of my temp assignment at ON Semiconductor (formerly AMIS). I am a little sad that I am leaving, although, due to the recent changes that have happened, I am not so crushed that I did not get hired permanently. I will really miss the people I have created relationships with here. I have email addresses and phone numbers, and have left my contact information, so we can still stay connected. Plus, I can still get all of those goofy jokes from Teresa.

I start my new assignment on Monday. Here is the part where God has a sense of humor. Before going to school in 2006, I worked for an accounting firm for over 9 years. So, for the past 2 1/2 years I have been adamant that I would never do anything regarding accounting. His first joke on me, of course, is that I have been the treasurer at First Baptist Church since July. Don't get me wrong. I love this particular ministry, and I am good at what I do. I wanted to do IT, and I thought that if I got back into accounting, I would stick there, because it is not unenjoyable, but not my dream job. So, here is God's second practical joke on me. Monday, I start my new assignment at.....drum roll please.....Jackson Hewitt. If you aren't familiar with the name, they are number 2 in the nation, behind H & R Block. Yes, I will be preparing tax returns for the next 3 1/2 months. To be honest, I have kind of missed the thrill of tax season. The adrenaline rush in the last 2 weeks. I know, I'm weird. At least I admit it fully.

So I will check in on Monday and update my enthusiasm on this new venture.

I promised that the last blog would be the only depressing one. And I try to keep my promises.

A Few Rantings

Here I go. My first foray into the world of blogging. I'm not sure if anyone will even read this. I don't really care. This is for me to vent my ever-overflowing and always extreme emotions to protect my sanity. Right now I am pretty much a basket case, and there are quite a few reasons why.

This has been a week of transitions for me. I am ending one temp assignment tomorrow, and starting a new one on Monday. I know, a temp job. Get over it and move on. I have been at this assignment for 6 months now, and I make attachments easily. It is very hard for me to say good-bye to the wonderful people I work with. I also have anxiety over the new assignment. Will my new co-workers like me? Will I do a good job at my new assignment? The angst goes on and on.

Notice I am working temp jobs. That is another angst ridden area of my life. I have been out of college (for the second time) for 7 months, and still don't have a permanent job. You can lecture me about the economy and recession all you want, but as a single mom it's hard not to feel like a complete failure because I can't find employment that will support my children. I am working very hard to have a positive attitude about God having that perfect job for me, but I am getting desperate.

Last night some friends of mine started a new women's small group. We are studying a Perry Noble sermon series about what God thinks about women. First of all, I don't do well in groups. I have had issues with "saying something stupid," "nobody wants to talk to me," "my opinions aren't important,", etc. Most of this stems from my marriage, where I heard these things from my husband every time we went out with his friends. I know, get over it. But, no matter how hard I try, I still hear that nagging voice in the back of my head. Some wounds take a long time to totally heal. These may never heal. My second issue is I don't associate with women very well. I don't know why, but I have always gotten along with men easier. So I tend to feel very uncomfortable in a large group of women. And, when I get uncomfortable, I clam up. For those of you who know me, yes, I do stop talking once in a while. Just put me in a large group of women. I am still trying to decide if I am willing to take the step (leap) of faith and stick with this study.

I hope that I can get through this very weird, emotional week unscathed. I actually feel better now that I have vented. I promise that my next post will be more upbeat and optimistic.

Thanks for listening. My spleen is fully vented (if you don't understand that, I will explain. Just contact me).