Here I go. My first foray into the world of blogging. I'm not sure if anyone will even read this. I don't really care. This is for me to vent my ever-overflowing and always extreme emotions to protect my sanity. Right now I am pretty much a basket case, and there are quite a few reasons why.
This has been a week of transitions for me. I am ending one temp assignment tomorrow, and starting a new one on Monday. I know, a temp job. Get over it and move on. I have been at this assignment for 6 months now, and I make attachments easily. It is very hard for me to say good-bye to the wonderful people I work with. I also have anxiety over the new assignment. Will my new co-workers like me? Will I do a good job at my new assignment? The angst goes on and on.
Notice I am working temp jobs. That is another angst ridden area of my life. I have been out of college (for the second time) for 7 months, and still don't have a permanent job. You can lecture me about the economy and recession all you want, but as a single mom it's hard not to feel like a complete failure because I can't find employment that will support my children. I am working very hard to have a positive attitude about God having that perfect job for me, but I am getting desperate.
Last night some friends of mine started a new women's small group. We are studying a Perry Noble sermon series about what God thinks about women. First of all, I don't do well in groups. I have had issues with "saying something stupid," "nobody wants to talk to me," "my opinions aren't important,", etc. Most of this stems from my marriage, where I heard these things from my husband every time we went out with his friends. I know, get over it. But, no matter how hard I try, I still hear that nagging voice in the back of my head. Some wounds take a long time to totally heal. These may never heal. My second issue is I don't associate with women very well. I don't know why, but I have always gotten along with men easier. So I tend to feel very uncomfortable in a large group of women. And, when I get uncomfortable, I clam up. For those of you who know me, yes, I do stop talking once in a while. Just put me in a large group of women. I am still trying to decide if I am willing to take the step (leap) of faith and stick with this study.
I hope that I can get through this very weird, emotional week unscathed. I actually feel better now that I have vented. I promise that my next post will be more upbeat and optimistic.
Thanks for listening. My spleen is fully vented (if you don't understand that, I will explain. Just contact me).
8 years ago
Andrea,
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you on a couple of points. I do not do well in a group either for much the same reasons. I don't have any past relationships or anything, but I guess that is my personality. I don't do well with revealing parts of my life to others - I guess I am not sure that I trust that they won't pass this on to other people and don't want them to try to 'help' me with whatever I say. I have the attitude - it is my life and I am happy with my life. I also don't associate with some womens groups as well and I think that is because I have never been in a serious relationship and have no kids. I am ok with all of this, but I think that the groups I have been in have women with children and are married and I cannot relate. Many of them do not have careers. I was in a church for awhile and because I was single, I was given all sorts of jobs that kept me from the adult classes and worship time. I love kids and had I gotten into a relationship early, I would probably have had them. But I am content with my nieces and nephews. At any rate, there you go. I am good with relationships with women singly or in 2 or 3 if I am good friends with them. If we lived in the same town, we would be doing stuff together, I think.
PITA1